Butte-iful.

Billings, MT - Despite a setback involving an illicit liaison between cars in Rapid City, SD this morning, the day continued to unfold as it otherwise should. Nobody was hurt and there was only minor damage.

We paid another visit to Wall Drug (a "76,000-square-foot wonderland of free attractions") and basked in the high kitsch factor, while resisting the urge to purchase something jackalope-related. Compared to the summer months, the town is relatively dead and many hotels and businesses in Wall have been shuttered as residents brace themselves for the cold of winter. It's entirely possible I saw a tumbleweed pirouette through town.

We then visited Mount Rushmore and peered up at large stone carvings of former Presidents. They won the staring contest every time.

Throughout Wyoming, yellow grasses swayed in the breeze like golden tresses set against flaxen camel humps. Matchstick electric poles stood delicately against the enormity of the backdrop: simultaneously enormous and miniaturized, as though part of a model.

As we continued in Montana, the scenery became tediously similar, yet subtly different - much in the way parents distinguish between their children. Passing through Lame Deer, MT, however, we laughed at its school, which is called: "Chief Dull Knife College." While I'm sure Chief Dull Knife was very likely an important man, there are too many jokes to be made about not being the sharpest knife in the drawer. Which have no doubt been made numerous times already.

Throughout Montana, however, we saw absolutely nothing. Nothing. It was dark before 5 p.m.

Vitals:

• Time: 12 hours
• Distance: 728.2 kilometres
• Weather: Sun, Moderate
• States: South Dakota, Wyoming, Montana
• Wildlife: Antelope, Deer, Grouse, Pheasant

Badlands, Badass.

Wall, SD - With the sun setting in a water colour of mauves and oranges, we wove through Badlands National Park this evening. It was like driving over the molars of giants. Or on the moon.

Though not my first time there, I had forgotten just how breathtaking its vistas are. Jagged rock, precipitous drops, a blue sky, hundreds of deer, bison and big horned sheep: what's not to love? This was truly one of my favourite road trip experiences of all.

In between, we visited the Corn Palace in Mitchell, which contains a basketball court (and hosted a Joan Jett concert recently, apparently) and is covered in folk art made from - you guessed it - corn. The design changes annually and was introduced as a response to Lewis & Clark's claim that nobody could make a living from the land here. It was first built in 1892.

South Dakota has been fun to drive through: flat, brown earth suddenly gives way to badlands and eccentric 'Wall Drug' signs pepper the landscape, lending it some colour.

Miles of sunflower crops stand, dried like disenfranchised youth out of a Tim Burton movie: once so full of colour, but now dark like running mascara, with heads bowed.

Vitals:

• Time: 12 hours
• Distance: 957 kilometres
  
• Weather: Sun, Moderate
• Provinces/States: Minnesota, South Dakota
• Wildlife: Pheasants, (hundreds of) Deer, Bison, Big-horned Sheep, Prairie Dog

Oh, Deer.

Winona, MN - Behind us, a seam split in the sky, allowing bare branches to take broad brush- strokes, tinting it peach. The break in darkness welcomed us to our drive to Victoria, British Columbia this morning.

Entering Michigan, we were confronted by a sign that advertised, "For all your deer processing needs." Really? Of course, this was soon followed by a woman driving an SUV, talking on her cellular phone with children in the back. And a large deer head sitting, hauntingly, in the passenger seat. I wish I was kidding. And that I wasn't haunted by memories of The Godfather.

We discovered that Wisconsin claims to be the birthplace of circuses. And carnies, one would suppose, though that's obviously less of a claim to fame. Crossing the Mississippi river, and into Minnesota, we were greeted by the beginnings of hills and sky of purple and pink wisps of cloud reminiscent of peacock feathers. Day one was thus complete.

Alas, we got no cheese in Wiscoooonsinnnn.

Vitals:

• Time: 11 hours
• Distance: 1,150 kilometres
• Weather: Sun, Moderate
• Provinces/States: Ontario, Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota
• Wildlife: Wild turkeys

The Road Home.

London, ON - While the sky had yet to blink, the road awoke to the bark of my engine at 6:40 this morning. Thirteen hours later, we would be home, the journey - and the adventure - complete.

Continuing the trend of the past few days, we basked in sun and warmth - at times, even heat - except during a stretch we knew would break when we emerged from a large pillow of fog that had settled into the valley around Killington, VT. Moving through the Green Mountains, we again enjoyed the curves and scenery, and particularly quaint towns like Woodstock, VT.

After a great breakfast with pancakes, whipped butter and homemade maple syrup at Sugar & Spice in Mendon, VT (artificial syrup, extra!), we made our way toward New York state on Highway 2. Arriving at Saratoga Springs, the casual riding ended and we hit the Interstate to make our way home more quickly. I cannot remember the last time I crossed the border at the Rainbow Bridge, but I marvelled at what an inviting panorama it presented to those coming into Canada - a great view of Niagara Falls, the mist rising into a cloudless sky.

And a few hours later, with a high-five - which had become our symbol of fraternity at the beginning and end of each leg of the trip - we were home, having covered a total of 4,778.7 kilometres. My windshield resembled a Jackson Pollock, the remains of intrepid insects who decided to box. And lost.

We, however, had made it.

Vitals:

• Time: 12 hours, 58 minutes
  Distance: 886.3 kilometres
  
• Weather: Sun, Warm
• States/Provinces: New Hampshire, Vermont, New York, Ontario
• Wildlife: None

Knuckles, White Like Mountains.

Lebanon, NH – The border guard at St. Stephens, NB, held my passport up, looked at it, then me, and said, smiling: "There's a striking resemblance." He added: "You riding with the guy behind you?" "He's my father; you'll notice a striking resemblance there, too," I replied. He chuckled in a way you don't usually see at larger border crossings in Ontario.

We had been on the road for a couple hours, traveling south in New Brunswick past some spectacular views of the Bay of Fundy, and had just stopped for breakfast. Our return home will include secondary roads through the United States until we get within striking distance of home.

From a bumper sticker pro- claiming "10 Out of 10 Terrorists Prefer Obama for President" to two guys sitting on a lawn covered in crossbows, long swords and other weapons for sale, it was obvious we were somewhere different. A lawn sign proclaimed "The Obamanure is Getting High" beside another with the old standby: "If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them." I resisted the urge to comment on the irony that, as Commander-in-Chief, Obama is the head of troops for whom they were seeking support.

The winding roads, like veins, brought me energy as I challenged the switchbacks that wend through the White Mountains in New Hampshire and Vermont. Centuries ago, shoulders of rock shrugged, forming the magnificent hills we rode through today.

In their immensity, they remained indifferent.

Vitals:

• Time: 11 hours, 32 minutes
• Distance: 708.7 kilometres
• Weather: Sun, Warm
• Provinces/States: New Brunswick, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont
• Wildlife: None

Strait to PEI.

St. John, NB – The fog hung like lace and not yet a minute out the driveway, I already wanted to take a photo of it hanging over a church in New Ross. Bundled against the cold, I resisted the urge.

It was still there by the time we reached the Shubenacadie River, which is fed by the Bay of Fundy, and somewhere you can raft on the tidal bore. It burned off during our walk from the parking lot, though.

Winding through the trees and past fog-covered lakes, the temperature dipped as low as four, and climbed as high as nine. My father reminded my aunt, uncle and me that his bike was equipped with heated grips and seats. For the hundredth time. We groaned. Then shivered. He grinned.

My nose welcomed the scent of a thousand Christ- mases as we passed through pine forests on our way to the ferry that would carry us across the Northumberland Strait to PEI. While we did not spend long exploring the province, I found it surprisingly underwhelming. I imagine my impression would have been different had we ventured more places and visited some of the beaches. It didn't help that I lost everyone in Charlottetown.

Crossing Confederation Bridge – the longest in the world over water that freezes – took all of eleven minutes, and so began our leisurely return home. We bid adieu to my aunt and uncle on the New Brunswick side and made tracks toward St. John. Still no moose.

Tired, we descended upon the largest city in New Brunswick – and oldest incorporated city in the country – during Exhibition time. Naturally. The dearth of rooms led us to cross town and end up at Hotel Courtenay Bay. Not so recommended, but it was a (dusty) bed on which to rest my weary head. Yes, that rhymes. I'm tired.

Vitals:

• Time: 12 hours, 12 minutes
• Distance: 619.1 kilometres
• Weather: Sun, Warm, Fog, Cold
• Provinces: Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, New Brunswick
• Wildlife: None

Turning the Tide.

New Ross, NS – Tail lights jigged like fireflies as we returned from an evening watching the sun set over Peggy's Cove, the full moon like another motorcycle's large headlight guiding us through the darkness of the forest.

Peggy's Cove is somewhere I always seem to go when I am here; for whatever the reason, it holds a special allure for me. It could be the beauty. As the sun danced across the curves of waves, the water shimmered like a woman in sapphire sequins – and large fountains alerted us to the presence of a pod of humpback whales swimming by, occasionally cresting the surface. What's not to like? It was a pretty cool way to spend an evening.

Given last night's events, we had a bit of a late start this morning, but enjoyed a gorgeous, sunny day by riding to the Look-off, Wolfville, Minas Basin – home to the world's highest tides, at more than 50 feet – Cape Blomidon and Hall's Harbour. In other words, it was a day of Bay of Fundy.

With the tide out, many fishing boats laid like whales, beached in red mud. I resisted the urge to use it on my skin – that's hardly the 'tough biker' thing to do.

I cannot stress how fun it is to ride the roads out here. Of course, time with family and the fact each of these spins ended with a lobster roll leaves very little to complain about.

Vitals:

• Distance: 385.8 kilometres
• Weather: Sun, Warm
• Province: Nova Scotia
  
• Wildlife: Pod of Humpback Whales