The Hills have Eyes. But no Gas.

Yup, there's a chapel up on that hill...

Lexington, KY – When a fisherman, knee-deep in a river, chuckles at you and asks – in his thick, North Carolina drawl – how much fuel you have left, you know you might be in the middle of nowhere.

Especially if he's the only person you've seen in half an hour.

It turns out simply punching “Chapel Hill” into the GPS does not necessarily relate to the hometown of the University of North Carolina.

There is, in fact, quite a difference between the city and a random chapel on a hill. In this case, it was also a difference of 376 kilometres.

Instead, we were smack-dab in the middle of the Smoky Mountains as the fisherman pointed me toward the nearest gas station – 25 miles away.

If we did not take the wrong turn.

The news temporarily put a damper on what had become an all-time, top-five driving day as we twisted and turned through the mountains, 'Riding the Rattler' – 32 miles and 250 sharp turns that made me thankful to be driving a car with a manual transmission.

With sufficient gas to make it, you could only laugh – but we would not end up at the university.

It was, nonetheless, a beautiful day driving through the Smokies, bookended by a fantastic breakfast at Mama's Boy in Athens, and a visit to Country Boy Brewing Company in Lexington.

How could you go wrong with peaches, falling from French toast and topped with candied pecans at a funky little restaurant promising 'Southern Fun Dining?' This was Georgia, after all. Great atmosphere, friendly staff and tasty twists on southern favourites. So good.

Similarly, how could you go wrong with dark craft beers infused with coffee and aged in bourbon barrels in Kentucky? In short, you couldn't.

What a great day.

Vitals:

• Time: Nine hours
• Distance: 714.3 kms
• Weather: Sunny
• States: Georgia, North Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky
• Wildlife: Turtles on the road

The Other Athens.

"Hi Peter, I'm Michael. This is Mike. Let's form a band."

Athens, GA – Pulling up to Terrapin Beer Company, we were disappointed to see a note on the door saying it was closed for a staff meeting.

But, we were in luck.

It turns out the brewery tour only opens at 5:30 p.m. four days a week, and we were early.

So, before returning, we walked through the University of Georgia's campus and had a delicious dinner on the sidewalk patio at Five Star Day Café. Stuffed meatloaf with jalapeno tomato sauce, mashed potatoes and mac 'n cheese left me too full to try the cobbler.

We were shocked to return to the brewery and find hundreds of cars snaked around it. Strains of bluegrass rock hummed from a band onstage and white lights twinkled overhead as people milled about, walked their dogs or tossed Frisbees.

Lots of beers and beards at the Terrapin Beer Company.

Most had one of a dozen different beers that had been set up at five different pouring stations around the property. It was an extremely relaxed setting, and everyone was remarkably friendly.

For $10, you got a pint glass to keep and a pink wristband, numbered 1-8, that told you when you had had enough. Each number was stamped for a a ¼-pour sample (closer to half), and four would get you a full pint.

Being from out-of-town *may* have resulted in a couple gratis pours.

Before long, we had made new friends who told us of can't-miss locales around town. Good food, good music, good beers and welcoming people. Athens felt like home.

I have a new favourite east-coast American city.

Seriously, I could live here.

Vitals:

• Time:10 hours
• Distance: 803.8 kms
• Weather: Light rain, giving way to sun
• States: Florida, Georgia
• Wildlife: Turtles on the road

Salt Life.

It's easy to 'a door' the beauty of Savannah.

Indialantic, FL – The ocean beckons, its salty air licking at my nostrils like an all-too-happy puppy.

Any day that begins with a beautiful walk over the cobblestones of historic Savannah and a tasty omelette stuffed with shrimp the size of my fist at Huey’s on the river walk, and ends with dipping my toes in the ocean, is more than fine with me.

Add that our beautiful and extremely comfortable room at the Oceanfront Cottages offers great views of the waves crashing to shore, and I’m thrilled to stretch out of the car.

Time to kiss the sea and let the palm fronds fan me.

Salt life: rest for the weary.

Vitals:

• Time: Six hours
• Distance: 511.4 kms
• Weather: Sunny and hot, becoming overcast
• States: Georgia, Florida
• Wildlife: None

Clowning Around.

"Don't be one, drink one."

Savannah, GA – As we set out for the day, the sun beat down on the Blue Ridge mountains, which lay before us like crumpled green paper.

Such is the ever-changing origami of a road trip, which unfolds into new shapes and designs before your eyes – unlike the map, which lay twisted and torn beside the seat.

Abandoned, wood-planked houses stood in the valleys, missing the teeth that have since allowed years of stories to escape. Vines grew in strands over their roofs like a long-overdue haircut.

They stood, in most cases, proud, but saddened.

In the distance, cows dotted the hills like pepper.

Billboards and signs provided a break from the repetition of trees and hills. One truck stop offered "Tattoos and Department of Transportation Express Approvals." No thanks.

Others recommended we "Buckle up...for the next million miles," or advertised "Guns & Ammo & Wedding Supplies." Talk about a shotgun wedding.

Our arrival at a North Carolina visitors centre offered a pamphlet and the intrigue of a small detour. After a glance at the North Carolina Brewers Guild’s offerings, how could we not stop at a craft brewery called Ass Clown Brewing Company? Really.

While the company with a possessed-looking Ronald McDonald logo may be located in a non-descript business park, a sample flight did all the necessary talking: dark chocolate sea salt stout, Amarillo hemp IPA, bacon oyster imperial stout and a cinnamon hazelnut sour that was unlike anything I’ve ever had.

It smells like a cookie, but really hits you with the sour.

The mad clown obviously hides an alchemist’s kitchen.

Vitals:

• Time: 10 hours
• Distance: 881.5 kms
• Weather: Hazy, and sunny
• States: Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia
• Wildlife: None

Esperanza (Reprise).

Atlanta, GA – As we pulled out of Elgin Hall at 5:41 this morning, the sky maintained a murky darkness; unlike our first attempt in February, however, the forecast was not overshadowed by snow in every state.

Instead, rain drew Etch-a-Sketch patterns on the bus windows as the team settled, contorted in sleep. So much silence, despite the excitement.

Border guards at Windsor grilled us, asking, “What’s the point of doing this?” Wisely, we resisted the urge to offer detailed explanations of the value of service learning. 

By not turning back at the border, we had made it farther than our first foray, and felt a bit of satisfaction.Anisha, Alison, Carling, Cassandra C., Cassandra F., Deanna, Doris, Douglas, Ellie, Jared, Jessie, John, Kelly, Larissa, Mike, Nina, Saman, Shannon, Sunitha, Vivek: Team Esperanza (II). And a special hello to Jenny, Gillian and Fabio, who were unable to participate in the rescheduled experience, but remain Esperanzites in our hearts.

Upon boarding the Atlanta-bound plane in Detroit, the captain’s voice sparked over the loudspeaker, saying: “I noticed a number of service personnel, veterans and a large contingent of humanitarian-bound students on board, and I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge and thank you for your service.”

Throughout the plane, people clapped. And several of us got chills. 

Homeward Bound.

Athens, TN – I feel a kinship with the sparking red taillights that dot the fog like fireflies.

Passing through the veil that hangs over the highway, we all have our own adventures, stories and destinations – similar, but unknown. License plates pass as name badges for points across the continent and generate knowing waves from someone sharing a home, still far away.

Working through northern Florida and into Georgia, colourful signs advertised oranges, pecans and peaches. The fog eventually burned off, giving way to ethereal clouds of yellow pollen that hung languidly in the air. Magnolia season is upon us.

The road before us continued to stretch through Atlanta, where planes swooped low like hawks with talons exposed. Unclear signage carried us in a loop around the airport. Four times. With the day drawing to a close, we were greeted by rust-coloured hills in Tennessee and a date watching the Final Four.

Go Butler.

Vitals:

• Time: 13 hours
• Distance: 959.5 kms
• Weather: Foggy, giving way to a mix of sun and cloud
• States: Florida, Georgia, Tennessee
• Wildlife: None
  

La Florida.

Flagler Beach, FL – “What does that indicator light mean?” A tug on the steering wheel while pulling through an intersection in Savannah, Georgia provided the answer: power steering failure.

Thankfully, turning the car off in a strip mall parking lot allowed the car to reset and we were able to continue toward the coast – with an ever-wary eye cast at the dashboard. Approaching Florida, a significant increase in traffic flow punctuated the point that not all snowbirds had yet begun to migrate north.

Upon entering the state, we were greeted by anti-abortion billboards that lined the highway every mile or so, and cars that were adorned with “Choose Life” license plates sporting drawings of children. Even more disturbing was the billboard displaying a large automatic weapon and the tagline, “Relieve Yourself.”

Welcome to the south.

Vitals:

• Time: 12 hours
• Distance: 780.8 kms
• Weather: Sunny and warm
• States: South Carolina, Georgia, Florida
• Wildlife: None
  

Georgia on my Mind.

Savannah, GA – Walking through Savannah, Georgia this afternoon, Spanish moss hung from wispily bearded trees, giving them the appearance of wise sages looming over historic homes and budding boulevards.

Shedding our shoes for sandals in the 27-degree heat, we made our way to the market, traipsing past old trains and through one of the city’s historic cemeteries. Again, the web-like gauze of moss added mystique as we ambled past sepia-tinted tombstones, their faces hauntingly blank. By contrast, hundreds of people had carved their names into the leaves of an enormous cactus standing sentry by the wrought-iron gate that guided us back to the world of the living.

Must be a fun spot at Halloween.

Nearby, students from the South Carolina College of Art & Design bustled about with fancy leather portfolios. We passed City Hall, the old Cotton Exchange and many other buildings that hold their own place in history books. While you could taste the humidity on the tip of your tongue, it wasn’t overly sticky. Our highlight in Savannah was a nice lunch at Belford’s in the market, where we sat on the patio watching passersby, delighting in southern-style chicken salad, shrimp with applewood-smoked bacon, collared greens and grit cakes.

While renowned for its beauty, charm and hospitality, however, I still found Charleston to be prettier.

Day Two, Morning.

Dry Ridge, Kentucky - Long day again, but this one was more enjoyable, notably because, having gained a grasp of how much time travel would take yesterday, I was able to take my time coming back and see more of the sights. That and, of course, the weather’s cooperation was an immeasurable, not to mention unexpected, help. I had no intention of making the push back to Ontario tonight anyway, so I’ve just set myself up in striking distance, stopping in northern Kentucky. Was more impressed with this state than Ohio anyway, so I’d rather spend my money here. Yeah, still not sleeping out of the car…

Still, in Dry Ridge, KY, I’m just a shout from Cincinnati, which is not too tough a drive back. If I don’t screw up around Detroit. I had thought of stopping into Steve & Barry’s on my way back through ‘The D’ (thanks for keeping me hip to the lingo, Paul) as the entire store is priced at $7, but I’m thinking no at this point. More on that below. It did, however, become ‘University Day’ today. First to the University of Tennessee (Sorry Kate, I know this is the wrong ‘T’, not to mention the wrong colour of orange, but I’d go to Austin if I had the chance, too!) in Knoxville, then the University of Kentucky in Lexington. Good times. Looked like schools. Schools with students. Except bigger than Canada. And even more moneyed.

7:24: Go time! I had planned to get up at eight EST but – blink, blink – started the day a little earlier. Like 5:55 earlier. Oh well, more time to explore. Still have a few days left where I can sleep when I get back. It’s a muggy 25 degrees in Huntsville, Alabama and the slow trek home has begun. Foggy, we start the day at 1,286.1 kms. on the trusty trip meter. Oh, the fog? It’s outside, too…

Must fill up on gas as I let Coby dry out last night because I needed those precious fumes for myself after that long a day. I was gassed, he needed it. $2.699 a gallon for a total of $30.94. Thankfully, the exchange rate these days is good. Clever little sign over a bookstore: “Booklegger Used Books”. Witty, even at this time of day.
What’s Playing: Metric, Split CD: Old World Underground, Where Are You Now? and Live it Out

8:00: That didn’t take long – I’m off the planned road and looking for adventure. Feeling frisky as my confidence in the roads grows. Really, I don’t have anywhere I HAVE to be today, right? So what if I get a little lost. Not that that will happen. Anyway, fighting the fog, a sign for the Cathedral Caverns State Park screams to me like a beacon in, well, the fog. Should be a nice morning for a drive in the smoky mountains. Particularly if the fog burns off. Oh wait, it’s eight in the morning, er, seven in the morning here, and that’s not likely to happen for a bit. Not many other people on the road this time of day. Nor, it seems at the Park. There are a few workers building a new walkway into the cave – which is, apparently, the largest cavern mouth in the world – but the box office is as silent as a mime. Foiled in my bid for spelunking again. Egads. It feels good to go for a little hike in the surrounding area, though, particularly after having cooped myself up in the car for so long these past couple of days.

8.24: 1,342.2 kms.

8:37: Sunshine! Was back in the car after the caves at 8:30 and actually found my way back out alright. Oh, I spoke too soon. Back in the valley, it’s grey again. The new State colour of Ohio has become the theme colour for my trip. Grr. Driving through Scottsboro, AL (“Where the mountains meet the lakes”) is gorgeous and, as the tagline suggests, actually features water, which is something I’ve seen little of thus far. The lake is covered in kelp and doesn’t smell very good, but it looks nice with the mountain backdrop.
What’s Playing: Hayden, Live at Convocation Hall, Disc Two.

9:24: 1,413.1 kms. This has just been a spectacular day thus far, particularly with my deep-seated love for the mountains, though the Smoky Mountains don’t hold a candle to the Canadian Rockies. Actually, nobody should hold a candle to either of them. Still, in the absence of the Rockies, these will do just fine. It’s 24 degrees, though humid, and I’m traveling along at a slower pace, not relying on those snooty main highways. The problem with the secondary highways, though? No state rest stops. At least I’m coffee deprived.

9:47: Georgia! State number six on the trip.

What’s Playing: REM, Reckoning. Just in time, too, for they are Athens, GA natives. Funny, too, is that the now-infamous line, “Jefferson, I think we’re lost” came on right as I crossed the border. Small things, small minds. I get it. Just because I like the name of the town, Rising Fawn, I stop. Well, that and I need to pee (no state rest stops, remember? Keep up, will you!) We’re back into the heart of the mountains at this point.

10:15: Tennessee! Sorry Georgia: Wham, bam, thank you ma’am, I barely got to know you. Similarly, it’s hot and sticky here, too. 27 degrees.

10:24: Looks like I didn’t track the kilometers this hour. Busy putting Coby the Cobalt through his paces up various switchbacks of Lookout Mountain. We’re headed to the highly-vaunted Ruby Falls. Well, they’re vaunted by the billboards littered across the mountain for miles back, anyway. I sense commercial exploit. Peter Parker, by Spidey Sense is tingling. Oh wait, is that what that is? I’m not going to need the topical cream after all. It’s a mountain, people; what’s so great about it.

Sigh. The Disney-like music is playing out of faux-rocks. It’s not quite “It’s a small world after all”, but it’s close. Dead give-away. Would be the only give-away of the visit, I am sure. I should have been smarter and run as fast as my wee legs would take me. Well, they’re not so wee, so I couldn’t. The smell of outstretched hands for money. Oooh, ooh, a trail – perhaps I can snake them and get away with it! Harumph. “Employees Only”. Dead end. Back toward the music and the door, manned by someone with far-too-shiny teeth. I’m not sure, but I think I heard a latch bar the door shut when I went through.

So, I’m suckered for $15.00 to see the falls, touted to be the tallest underground falls accessible by the public. Would have rathered give that kind of money to a state park (like this morning’s, which wouldn’t take my money), but, okay, I’m a tourist. I’ll bite. That’s what I’m here for, right? Actually, it sounds kind of neat. I’ll get to see a cave. And a waterfall. Maybe even stalagmites. Ooh, ooh, ooh – I’m getting excited now.

The tour guide was actually very funny. Even 160 feet beneath the ground. Though the combination of his whiny voice and his southern accent made me want to punch him. Not really. Poor kid’s grasping for puberty. And to discover his sexuality. He made little jokes about ‘Stalag-lights’ for the things the company had built to house the lights in the rocks and ‘Stalag-pipes’ for the tobacco-shaped rock formations (seriously, they decide rocks look like various objects, then name them after said object). That’s the kind of humour I can appreciate. In small doses. Unless it’s me.

The formations were actually pretty cool and the cave was neat in and of itself. Not built for people of my height, though. I guess they’re not really built at all. For dramatic effect, the lights were off in the room with the waterfall until…just…the…right...moment. That was a bit much, but it was something you don’t get to see every day. Unless you work there. The guide had obviously made his spiel a few times. Unfortunately, the camera battery died before I got the chance to get up to the top of Lookout Mountain, so no pictures. It was quite a sight over Tennessee, though. You’ll just have to trust me on that. All in all, it was cool.

Such a tourist am I.