Bourbon and ON.

Reserved.

London, ON – The rolling green hills around Versailles, Kentucky are stitched together by raw boards: braces holding prized racehorses in place.

Appropriately, the endless pastures are the colour of money.

For miles, the grass is stained white by fresh paint. One farm, in all black, stands in contrast, like Johnny Cash.

We cling to tight corners on country roads before pulling through the stone and iron gate at Woodford Reserve. The name is relatively new, but a distillery was first built here in 1812 and the location is listed on the National Register of Historic Places.

We’re immediately drowned by fresh cut grass and sweet sour mash.

Oak barrels teeter down tracks between long, thin stone buildings, headed for a rest.

We left booking a tour too late, so the rest of our day looks similar.

Homeward. 

Vitals:

• Time: 9 hours, 20 minutes
• Distance: 779.9 kms
• States/Province: Kentucky, Ohio, Michigan, Ontario
• Weather: Sunny and warm
• Wildlife: None

De La Soul.

C'est (bour)bon.

Lexington, KY – As the bottom of the rust belt falls out, spring greens pitch tentatively skyward.

Eastern redbuds are sprinkled like confetti in the fog, welcoming the new season and accompanying freedom that floats on the breeze. Between winter and a global pandemic now in its third year, the rebirth hits close to home.

Moving south, Ohio’s skyline becomes an abstract of greys crisscrossed by beams painted ochre and soft blues. Many of the art deco bridges are topped by ornate iron work, whispering to a bygone era.

We hadn’t planned to drive, but studies and life got in the way of fleeting plans and here we are, suddenly on a tour of the bourbon trail and pointed toward Charleston, South Carolina.

A tasting at the modern New Riff Distilling, just over the bridge from Cincinnati, is followed by a stop at Boone County Distilling. I’m driving, so just a sniff and a shot of history.

Boone County, founded in 2015, boasts walls dressed in charred barrel staves, blackened but smooth to the touch. It claims inspiration from a distillery opened in the area in 1833 and uses the tagline “Made by Ghosts.”

“Spirits, Distilled by Spirits” was right there.

C'est (aussi) bon.

The best part of the day, though, has been pulling up to a strip mall in Lexington, looking for dinner. Mimi’s Southern Style Cooking is lined up out the door even though the dining room – which seems to double as a dance hall – sits empty.

There’s no obvious menu, but aluminum catering trays shimmer with fried chicken, mac and cheese, collard greens, green beans, corn bread and various other items. We can immediately tell it’s a road trip gem.

Conspicuous, we’re invited to the front of the line and handed a cafeteria tray.

Everyone else is waiting for the pork chops.

Vitals:

• Time: 11 hours
• Distance: 762 kms
• Province/States: Ontario, Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky
• Weather: Persistent rain, fog and cold
• Wildlife: None

Fin.

The heat got to this place, too.

London, ON – Much of the morning's drive through Kentucky was like climbing into a Bob Ross painting: happy little clouds dancing over green hills.

It helped we were able to make the final push home with leftovers from Memphis's famous Gibson's Tastee Donuts and from The Stillery in Nashville.

It turns out Brussels sprouts are an underrated pizza ingredient.

One province and eight states, including one new one (Arkansas), and a great time in Memphis. Down to four contiguous U.S. states I've yet to visit.

But, the car still smelled of beer.

Vitals:

• Time: 8.5 hours
• Distance: 641.9 kms
• Weather: Sunny and hot (Detroit, the hottest point on the trip: 34.5 degrees), with a brief storm
• States: Kentucky, Ohio, Michigan
• Wildlife: None

Signs of a Road Trip.

Casey Rocks, Big Time.

London, Ontario – Cruising through Illinois, the billboard proclaimed: “If you lived in Greenville, you would be home by now.”

It was, unfortunately, placed directly in front of a prison.

We had awoken early to a cool morning, having spent the night at a converted, centuries-old barn outside St. Louis. The smell of wet peat hung in the air and wispy fog clung to the trees before sinking into the valley. It was a gorgeous day for the route home.

Farther east, signs called for us to stop in Casey, Illinois, which bills itself as being home to “big things in a small town.” True to its word, we soon came upon a 56-foot-tall wooden rocking chair and a functioning 54-foot-tall wind chime. Naturally, we gave it a ring, sending a deep baritone cascading down Main street.

Friendly townspeople appear to take pride in their quirky town, pointing us on to the next “big thing.” It’s home to seven world’s-largest items – including mailbox, wooden shoes and golf tee – which have all been manufactured in Casey. In all, there are 13 ‘big’ attractions to see.

It’s a road trip – when faced with a 10-hour drive through the prairies, how can you not stop to see the world’s-largest anything?

After 3,772.7 kilometres, home.

Vitals:

• Time: 12 hours, 15 minutes
• Distance: 1,124.5 kms
• Weather: Sunny and warm
• States/Province: Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Michigan, Ontario
• Wildlife: Deer

Reigned In.

2,923 kilometres of memories.

London, ON – The day seemed set on monochrome as I twisted open the throttle for the final push home. Donning rain gear, we set off into a deluge that didn't let up until Findlay, Ohio.

We had decided to forgo any of the fun back roads because we were being greeted by the remnants of a tropical storm that had hit Texas. Safety and ease of getting back home would win the day.

My aching tailbone was silently grateful.

Perhaps it was time after more than 46 hours of riding, 2,923 kilometres, countless curves, three BBQ sandwiches, seven states and a province. And a tonne of laughs and memories with my father.

Which is what it was all about. Thanks, Dad.

Vitals:

•     Time: 7 hours
•     Distance: 541.2 kms
•     Weather: Heavy rain, giving way to sun
•     States/Province: Ohio, Michigan, Ontario
•     Wildlife: Deer

Beam Me Up.

Not a booze cruise.

Dayton, OH – The rural roads we crossed in central Kentucky this morning were quiet and unlined. Coursing under a canopy of mature trees, they more resembled extended driveways.

Dogs, puffing their chests, nipped at our heels as we roared past barns, streaked red and black, and countless Baptist steeples, bleached white.

For miles, corn sprouted to my knees, while other fields were pin-pricked by bright bales, dried in the sun. And then, apparently, we stumbled upon the Bourbon Trail. Acres of storage sheds for the brown liquor stood tall on the roadside: Maker’s Mark, Heaven’s Hill and Jim Beam.

We took a break to stroll through the Beam homestead and have a quick look at some of the production facilities as the smell of charred white oak and vanilla blended into the boozy humidity. We didn't imbibe: we didn't want our two wheels to begin to appear they were four.

Soon, we crossed a big blue bridge over the Ohio River, leading me to expect to be in its namesake's state. Instead, Indiana.

Cruising along the waterway, we stopped into Rising Sun for lunch. If the name of the town wasn’t enough of a reason to stop, the tasty pulled pork sandwich and conversation with Mark at the Main Street Diner certainly was.

These quirky finds are what make road trips what they are.

Vitals:

•     Time: 9 hours, 30 minutes
•     Distance: 463.7 kms
•     Weather: Sunny, with only a sprinkle of rain
•     States: Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio
•     Wildlife: None

Oh, Hi, Yo.

Roads, bent like Gumby.

Prestonburg, KY – As we rode into Ohio, the morning chill melted off to aromas of dry pine and campfire. By lunch, which we had enjoyed at a rest stop in Michigan, the temperature had risen from 14 to 30.

And, by mid-afternoon: 40.

But, as we approached Columbus, Ohio, the round, peaty smell of summer rain rose to my nostrils and grey skies turned white with large drops that caromed off the windshield. We didn’t even have time to don our rain riders.

Twenty minutes past the storm, however, it hardly mattered: the hot wind had slapped the moisture from our legs and, again, we sizzled.

We were fortunate to re-find the sun as it dropped with us into the Appalachian Mountains, where rock faces finally unmasked themselves to us.

These are the curves for which the area is so well known.

Vitals:

•   Time: 11 hours, 15 minutes
•   Distance: 845.7 kms
•   Weather: Variably sunny and cloudy, with thunderstorms in Columbus; cool then hot
•   Province/States: Ontario, Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky
•   Wildlife: None

Disembark.

The road is long that carried me from you.

London, ON – Michigan: blah, blah, blah. Ohio: blah, blah, blah.

Kentucky: pretty, but goodbye.

One province, 13 states, 60 hours and 4,567.5 kilometres driven.

(We do this because we'd never see what we do in any other way. Open road, you are a cruel mistress.)

Home.

Vitals:

• Time: 11 hours, 14 minutes (with two hours at the Outlet stores)
• Distance: 751 kms
• Weather: Sunny
• States/Province: Kentucky, Ohio, Michigan, Ontario
• Wildlife: None

Hammer Time.

The road ahead is long for the Mustangs.

Jackson Centre, OH - Like a cement arrow pointing to the bayou, 20 hours of road unfurl before and behind us. Now a third of the way in: New Orleans, here we come.

Building on months of preparation and anticipation, the excitement of 39 Alternative Spring Breakers has seemingly been bottled into the bus like a soft drink, shaken vigorously. Soon, the building will become more tangible as we begin a Habitat for Humanity project in the Big Easy.

Despite some apprehension at the border as we waited to see if one of our team members would be turned back because of a misplaced passport, we were left with a relatively uneventful crossing. Exhale. A stunned jubilation took over from there, fueling this strangely exciting road trip.

With Ontario and Michigan behind us, Kentucky, Tennessee, Mississippi and Louisiana still loom lazily ahead. It turns out folding 6"3 into these seats comes as easily as sleeping in them. Which is to say, not.

Several hours in, the chatter persists. Cell biology texts lay strewn across upholstered seats, Shark Week has given way to the O.C. on the DVD player and a deck of cards shuffles between seats. Aces.

And the stale smell of french fries lingers still.

kentucky hills
The sun scorches behind
the scratched-out erasings
that carve jagged brushstrokes
folding over the curves
of these hills.

In darkness,
the lines shine brightly,
a second on,

a second off,
like a light switch
switched
hypnotically.

The beauty of not having to drive,
for once.

End of Transmission.

London, ON – Like a present that has already been ripped open, the journey home is, naturally, far less fun.

As much as I still love being on the road, most of the mystery and anticipation has by then seeped out the window. Of course, heading back into Ohio and Michigan isn't much of a draw, either.

Just past Cincinnati, Ohio, a car accident shut down the highway for a half hour and the power steering became obstinate again. Twice. The temperature continued to drop the farther north we went, dipping to six degrees. So much for sandals.

Yup, we're home. And Easter turkey awaits.

Vitals:

• Time: 12 hours
• Distance: 1,113.7 kms
• Weather: Hazy, with sun
• States/Provinces: Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, Michigan, Ontario
• Wildlife: None
  

A Caricature.

Spartanburg, SC – Weaving through hilly switchback cicatrices and past the French Broad River in the back country of North and South Carolina, we finally had our first deviation from the Interstate on this trip. 

Naturally, the day had begun to yawn.

A rock slide in Newport, Tennessee had caused us to detour an hour out of our way, which not only provided fun driving in the hills, but the most eye-opening experience of the journey thus far. It was a prime and timely opportunity to reflect on our good fortune, even in the face of current adversity in our lives.

Like a sad caricature, a young pregnant woman stood smoking on the rickety porch of a fallen-down trailer nestled in the trees. A half-dozen baby carriages in various states of disrepair sat perfectly aligned, much like the weathered, parted-out pick-up trucks to the side. 

I almost expected the moment to carry a New Yorker-type quip underneath.

Throughout the area, decrepit trailers and clapboard homes shrugged like depressed shoulders. Perching on the edge of the riverbank, they lacked doors and sported window frames that slouched into diamonds. A pauper’s garden of refuse dotted the lawn.

It really made us think, even as we careened through the fun-to-drive hills and curves – extreme poverty exists everywhere. Though unexpected, it was the day’s highlight.

From the time we entered Tennessee, however, we could tell from the spicy, humid aroma of the air and the red and white flowering trees that blossomed like small puffs of smoke that the onset of spring was already here. With budding trees comes a budding season and budding promise for the journey ahead.

And Carolina barbeque for dinner wasn't a bad way to end a day, either.

Vitals:

• Time: 14 hours
• Distance: 1,323.3 kms
• Weather: Predominantly grey, warming up in the afternoon; rain in major cities in the north
• Province/States: Ontario, Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky, Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina
• Wildlife: None
  

Day Two, Afternoon.

Alas, no photos from this afternoon. There would have been some nice ones, too. I can picture them in my mind. Battery issues. Or battery owner issues. I was too worried I'd forget to take the battery with me if I recharged it last night. And it would have really looked out of place in that room, which hasn't changed much since Nixon was in power. Wish I had risked it -- there was some neat stuff out there today. Oh well, live and learn. Tomorrow, we begin anew.

12:24: 1,513.6 kms.
What’s Playing: Pulp, This is Hardcore

13:24: 1,630.3 kms.

13:42: Back off the highway looking for the Turkey Creek Outlets. Disappointing. Didn’t even get out of the car. They look just like the big boxes set up back home, just more plentiful. Money scurrying, quickly gathered and crammed back into my pockets.

14:08: Knoxville! Wild man’s back at it again, off the highway looking for the University of Tennessee. Go Vol’s. There are tents set up all around this city with signs advertising “Revivals”. I don’t think I’m going to stop here. Or there. Oh, there’s the university. In between, I also saw the World’s Fair park, replete with big, gold dome and ran over my share of bad, bad streets. Have you not heard of grading, folks? Driveways should not drop vertically to the street. Not good for the shocks. Or the bumper.
What’s Playing: Coldplay, Parachutes

14:31: More gas. $2.679 a gallon for a total of $21.89. With some clever guesswork, I managed to pull into a gas station directly beside the street that leads into the university. And almost got into an accident in the process (sorry to the guy who’s likely still cursing Canadians everywhere). Funny enough, UT is not located on University Avenue, but on Volunteer. It’s a good thing I have a fondness for orange. Bright orange. Everywhere. The university is still bustling with students.

UT gets high marks for the efficiency of providing free visitor parking (from an attended booth, no less) and maps. With the size of campus, the allotted 45 minutes of parking was hardly sufficient to see everything, but it’s a great gesture. And I got to park next to “Peyton Manning Pass”. Cute.

15:16: There’s an old street car on wheels making its way up the road in Knoxville. It’s too early to brag, yes, but I have found my way back across town to the highway on the first try. Confidence can be the great equalizer. Okay, is there toilet paper hanging from my shoe? There’s got to be something.

15:24: 1,718.3 kms. 31 degrees.
What’s Playing: The Postal Service: Give Up

15:48: Oneida/Hunstville, TN. Absolutely delicious juxtaposition of a xxx outlet strip mall falling literally under the shadow of a hundred-foot-tall cross.

16:05: Kentucky!
What’s Playing: Interpol, Antics

16:24: 1,833.9 kms. 27 degrees.

16:29: Scary moment as a dump truck decides to merge into my lane. This time, it’s not his right-of-way. Had to drive down the shoulder in front of a construction zone to avoid becoming gravel for the offending beast.

17:24: 1,953.1 kms.
What’s Playing: Bob Dylan, Greatest Hits

17:35: Lexington! Off-roadin’ it again, this time for the University of Kentucky. I had been drafting quickly behind a car from Ohio so that I could make up some time and get to the UK bookstore before it closed. Then another car from Ontario came along. Obviously a veteran of the 401. Hello, new drafting partner. One of the first places I passed in Lexington had a giant donkey painted on the side of the building, with a sign that read “Big Ass Fans”. Don’t believe me, check out the website. The houses here are incredible. I’m seeing a theme developing: there’s money in the south. Damn.
What’s Playing: Split CD: Cat Power, The Greatest; Camera Obscura, Let’s Get Out of this Country

UK is a more modern-looking university, with mostly red brick buildings. It’s cooler out, despite the humidity. I can’t believe how much branded merchandise there is at these American schools. You can get almost anything with the school’s logo. And even the UK Marching Band has its own field. But as hawd as ah looked, I couldn’ fahnd Ashley Judd anywhea (workin’ on that southern accent). It’s a shame, really. Would’ve topped off a fine, fine day. It was nice to see, though, that even in Lexington, there is indeed still a student ghetto.

For the second time today, I have successfully navigated across a university city to re-find the highway sans map. Mom would be proud. It turns out that Lexington isn’t a one-horse town, though. It’s also home to Transylvania University. Can you imagine the looks you’d get if you had a medical degree from there? You don’t have to worry – it’s a small, liberal arts school. That goes by the short form, Transy. Glad they kept the ‘s’ in. I know, I know, like they haven't heard it all before. Just not here.

18:24: 1,988.4 kms.

18:44: 2,000 kms!

18:51: The horse farm to end all horse farms – thousands of acres divided with nice white fences. Not right beside it: Elmer’s.

19:02: Rain. Must be approaching the Ohio border. Oh wait, yes indeed I am.

19:24: 2,076.4 kms.

20:20: Certainly does not describe my vision right now. Bleary and tired. The end of the day was to have come sooner, but I got lured into going to the Nike Factory outlet beside the hotel. Dammit. I don’t need new basketball shoes, but I love them. And they’d normally be $200, but they’re on sale for $40. And they’re nice. And they fit well. And, dammit, they’re purple. At least there’s free wireless here and, an added bonus: free hot breakfast in the morning. Then it will be homeward bound. Wrapped up at 2,078.7 kms. tonight, reflecting a total of 792.6 kms for the day. And 13 hours out and about. More seeing of the sights, though. Good day. Now, good night.

Day One, Morning.

5:01: Start time. We're off and we're wet. 17 degrees and it turns out that the car doesn't have a multi-changer for the CDs. Gas in London is 91.9. Don't need any; haven't gone anywhere yet.
What's Playing: Bright Eyes, Digital Ash in a Digital Urn

5:16: Not messing with what I know works, make it to the highway. Go figure, there are trucks on the 401. And they're snarling at me. I'm tired and don't want to hear it. But this will seem to be a theme for the day.

Blades slice through
the rain,
water colours on the
windshield
painting smudged memory
down the road behind,
a blank
canvas ahead.

2006.08.29

6:01: 101.3 kms in the first hour. Things are humming along, albeit dark. The rain, though, mercifully subsided after the first forty minutes or so. Gee, thanks. Even the trucks have abated for a bit.

6:08: Ambassador Bridge! There goes Canada, here comes the U.S. Michigan: state number one for the day. Gee, let's guess what they odds are that a scruffian traveling solo to Alabama -- where he knows nobody -- will get stopped at the border. 5 to 1? 10 to 1? 100 to 1? Let's go with almost guaranteed. Twenty minutes later, freed from the clutches of the orange form stuck to my windshield and from the raised eyebrows emanating from several rather large, and surprisingly thick-accented U.S. Customs Agents. Just doing their jobs, I know. At least there was no snapping of latex gloves onto overly eager fingers. And now, the sigh of relief. I'm free to go do whatever it is I'm going to do in Alabama and points in between. The odds of getting searched when I return to Canada? Particularly if I have nothing to declare?

7:01: Up to 201.4 kms

7:53: Back on the highway after circling around and wandering aimlessly like a lost school child (albeit in possession of a 2,000 pound car) in Detroit. Those ramps that branch off in three directions are just dang tricky. Especially when you don't read the signs right to begin with. Figures that this is the one city on the voyage I've been to the most. And an inauspicious start. Where's that paper bag again?
What's Playing: REM, Reconstruction of the Fables

8:01: Up to 232.3 kms

8:20: Billboard advertising 'Alcatraz, the Gentlemen's Club'? This is the first of what I discover to be a trend throughout the journey: billboards for strip clubs, fireworks and God. Everywhere. And not always in that particular order.

8:23: Another beef jerky outlet, this one given the stomach-tantalizing moniker of 'Beef Jerky Unlimited'. Alas, it does not open until 9am. Sigh. But I don't want to wait. Hmm, dried pork products. Drool. Traffic ends up slowing for a bit as everyone is drawn like moths to the shiny lights. They're fire trucks, people. We all have them in our towns. A tiny Honda Civic decided to tangle with an 18-wheeler. Well, there was a tangle. The transport, however, was just sitting there, blowing on its fingernails, a ho-hum look on its face. Major plastic surgery for the Civic.

8:36: O-Bye-O! I barely knew you. The Buckeye State. Not to be confused with Hawkeye.

8:56: First voluntary stop of the day. Feeling patriotic, so the call of duty is at a Tim's in Ohio, just outside Toledo. I had forgotten about how many American establishments have midget-sized urinals. Seriously, a foot off the floor. Short or not, the pot of coffee had to go somewhere. First gas fill-up, too: $2.549/gallon for a total of $14.43. Oh yeah, it's still wet, grey and crappy too. Up to 18 degrees though. Much easier job getting back on the highway this time. Yay me.
9:01: Up to 314.7 kms
What's Playing: REM, Life's Rich Pageant

9:46: An all-you-can-eat buffet. Of Kentucky Fried Chicken. When are we going to get that kind of greasy goodness in Canada?

10:01: Up to 424.1 kms
What's Playing: Mixed live album (Cat Power, Bright Eyes, Linkin Park f/ Jay-Z)

10:43: Midget urinal breakshouldn't two. Oh wait, probably shouldn't have phrased it like that. But you know what I mean. You're smart like that. A pleasant Ohio rest stop with an hour to go to Cincinnatti.

10:51: While still cloudy, I can see the first hint of sun, albeit only a sliver. It has only taken six hours.

11:01: Up to 534.6 kms

Evidence that we are finally approaching the south. Even the water tower -- this one in Florence, Ohio -- says "Y'all".

11:09: Lovely Dayton, Ohio. A little hillier and greener than what we've been seeing, though Michigan and Ohio have bdidn'tbeen pretty blah. The weather didn't help. It just made the dirt wet. First jump in the temperature of the day, though; up to 24.
What's Playing: Liz Phair, s/t

11:31: Quite the Church. They like they're churches down here. And their enormous sculptures of people climbing out of the earth.
What's Playing: Fugees, The Score

11:51: Cincinnatti



11:58: Kentucky! Welcome to the bluegrass state. KY. No, not the jelly.