Open Letter to State of Montana.

Moses Lake, WA - Dear State of Montana.

You are such a tease. For hours, you taunt me with snow- capped mountains and scatter large pockets of deer and antelope throughout your vast lands. You have curves for miles. And miles.

And yet, you are 'Big Sky Country' precisely because you have nothing different to see on the ground. Sure, the topography sheds its skin from flat to mountainous, the land scarred by seismic shifts. But I can only take the browns, olive greens, grey and pale yellows of dry scrub for so many hours - even with high speed limits. I will concede, you have incredibly pretty moments, but then you beat me over the head with them, like the popular girl at the dance in grade 12. You then proceed to offer me hours of sameness.

And you, my comp- licated friend, are enormous. I have never seen so many hunting jackets. Or so few people (Montana has fewer than a million) in such a large space (America's fourth-largest state). Cows hang from cliffs and horses graze, seemingly without homes. Apart from that, there is nothingness.

I chide you because I love you in your own special way. The low fences point me into the horizon, leaving me with the anticipation of climbing the next hill and seeing something - anything, really. And being disappointed.

You have your charm and your beauty, but it gets swallowed in your never-ending hills of similarity.

Vitals:

• Time: 10 hours
• Distance: 698.7 kms
• Weather: Sun, Moderate, Cloud
• States: Montana (and more Montana), Idaho, Washington
  
• Wildlife: Deer, Antelope
  

Butte-iful.

Billings, MT - Despite a setback involving an illicit liaison between cars in Rapid City, SD this morning, the day continued to unfold as it otherwise should. Nobody was hurt and there was only minor damage.

We paid another visit to Wall Drug (a "76,000-square-foot wonderland of free attractions") and basked in the high kitsch factor, while resisting the urge to purchase something jackalope-related. Compared to the summer months, the town is relatively dead and many hotels and businesses in Wall have been shuttered as residents brace themselves for the cold of winter. It's entirely possible I saw a tumbleweed pirouette through town.

We then visited Mount Rushmore and peered up at large stone carvings of former Presidents. They won the staring contest every time.

Throughout Wyoming, yellow grasses swayed in the breeze like golden tresses set against flaxen camel humps. Matchstick electric poles stood delicately against the enormity of the backdrop: simultaneously enormous and miniaturized, as though part of a model.

As we continued in Montana, the scenery became tediously similar, yet subtly different - much in the way parents distinguish between their children. Passing through Lame Deer, MT, however, we laughed at its school, which is called: "Chief Dull Knife College." While I'm sure Chief Dull Knife was very likely an important man, there are too many jokes to be made about not being the sharpest knife in the drawer. Which have no doubt been made numerous times already.

Throughout Montana, however, we saw absolutely nothing. Nothing. It was dark before 5 p.m.

Vitals:

• Time: 12 hours
• Distance: 728.2 kilometres
• Weather: Sun, Moderate
• States: South Dakota, Wyoming, Montana
• Wildlife: Antelope, Deer, Grouse, Pheasant