Day Three. Home Sweet Home.

London, Ontario - And, he's back. Good golly, we return to Michigan today, where they like them some churches, mighty fine. Halleluiah!

The day started off well, with a complete – and most importantly – included, hot breakfast, Super 8-style. Make-your-own waffles, cereal, doughnuts, some sort of chopped sausage grits/porridge concoction I didn’t touch. And coffee. The orange juice was skunky, so it got tossed. Not a bad start, particularly after the lack of real food yesterday. Up at 6:54, I am still completely knackered. My throat is scratchy. And not in the sexy way. The trip started to catch up with me last night, but I really didn’t want to ply myself from the covers this morning. Well, I should have crawled under them earlier. Sigh. Such a dummy. Having started at the crack of darkness on Tuesday didn’t help either. Really.

On the road at 7:34 – not too bad a turnaround time despite the fog in my brain. One sign that it’s going to be a good day, though: the warning at the entrance to the highway states that it is not to be used by “farm implements”. Brings back fond memories of one of my former history professors who would always sprinkle his lectures with the term because he knew it would make us all laugh. Absurd, really. Another good sign: it’s clear and 20 degrees. Starting at 2,078.7 kms. today.

7:44: Big Bone Lick State Park. No comment. It’s too early, dammit. And I’m dumb today. Just past this, and outside Cincinnati, though, a giant traffic snarl lights up like an LED board. Signs warn of 10-15 minute delays. I remind myself of the perils of cat naps during that stretch. Then stretch and yawn. Where’s that coffee again? Gone. Damn my inability to drink more slowly. Sigh (number two).
What’s Playing: The Organ, Grab that Gun

8:13: Cincinnati! Finally, free from the clutches of the hordes. Traffic jam, be gone.

8:34: 2,170.9 kms. It’s grey out, but at least it's not raining.
What’s Playing: Man on the Moon, OST

8:57: West Carrolton, OH for more gas. Looks like a ritzier neighborhood. Whoops, maybe not the best place to choose for gas. It just struck me that I’m so used to not going to generic gas stations that I have stuck with the majors to fill the rental car. Hmm. $2.479 a gallon for a total of $26.48. According to news reports last night, fuel is cheaper across the US than it has been in a year and it is anticipated that gas prices will be down to $2.00 a gallon by Thanksgiving. Depends if their President starts another war somewhere. Sorry, my little yellow ribbon must have peeled off. I can support the troops just fine, thanks – I just don’t support that government. There is a very BIG difference. But these people carry guns, so I’ll keep my trap shut. Big trap. Big guns. Closed.
What’s Playing: Lauryn Hill, The Miseducation of

9:34: 2,272.7 kms.
What’s Playing: Alanis Morissette, Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie

10:34: 2,383.7 kms.
What’s Playing: The Tragically Hip, Day for Night

11:23: Michigan!

11:29: Monroe, Michigan, here we come. Alright, one more stop for the road trip. The last hurrah. The big finale (have I built up the anticipation yet?). Jerky!

Uh, Santa lives there, right? How exactly do I get into a career in Jerky? I’m sure Guelph offers a degree in it.

Anytime a man wearing an apron -- and surrounded by various cured meats -- approaches with shears, do not fret. Smile broadly. Samples! Teriyaki Beef. Smoked Beef (sorry, drooling on the keyboard). Some other kind I cannot remember, though if I search far enough back into my molars, I might find some stringy remnants. Mmm, remnants. Jerky = yum. Especially on road trips. Too bad this one is almost over.

Anyway, paper bags full of jerky and I’m a happy man. In the absence of other exciting photo opp’s today, we’re going to embark on the journey called “Jerky over Michigan”. Replete with reviews. In depth reviews. Some might even say, “meaty”. Others stick to “dry”. Those ones are usually being jerky.

Beer flavoured beef. Spicy. Okay, I get it – tough to go too far astray with this one: Give man meat. Give man beer. Man be happy. A club, too? Over the moon.

11:34: 2,484.9 kms. Last stop? For real this time? Michigan Welcome Centre in Monroe. There’s the coffee again. And empty the car of garbage acquired in six states and one province over three days. But really, I just wanted to add to my map collection. I just got back into the car and wow, does it smell strongly of dried meats. Mmm, dried meats…Sorry, I just lost more time, opening and closing the door. Wafts are so good. But such a tease. Need more meat. Did I mention there’s jerky? Jerky, we’re close, you know.

Try the garlic beef, you say? Why, mighty nice of you to ask. Barkley was feeling left out and wanted to try some, too (I don't even want to see the cat gut after that one). This was surprisingly bland until 5-6 hours later. Just ask anyone I talked to. Except the jerky, he’s gone (hey, it was a lonely car). That conversation went like this: “Am I shaped like a state you just left?” “Not yet,” I replied. Then it became Rhode Island, which was subsequently sucked into the dark, gurgling ocean.
What’s Playing: Travis, The Man Who

12:20: Detroit! (Sorry Paul, “The D”).

12:28: Canada!*
(*Caveat: Well, we’re at the midpoint of the Ambassador Bridge, so they haven’t technically let me into the country yet. But the Russian judge ruled in my favor on this one.)

12:34: 2,555.8 kms.

My favorite jerky of the day was the honey garlic pork. Ever so slight a zip. Tender. I don’t want to pig out because I’m bac-on track to get home. It was smooth. Like butter. Very chewy butter. At least it looks like a maple leaf for going across the border (that’s what they’d say at Ruby Falls, anyway).

12:36: SCS wins the bet (she had wagered that I had a 42 per cent chance of getting stopped at the border, I had wagered 74 per cent). I whizzed through without any difficulty this time. I think the ever-so serious agent even raised the corner of her lip the slightest bit when I replied to her query about items to declare: “…right at $100 worth of apparel, including a pair of shoes…and some jerky.” A micro-smile at best, but I know she wanted some. I was just glad that she didn’t ask where I had been; I’ve had a mental block about remembering “Huntsville” all week, for whatever the reason.

Welcome to Canada! Windsor! Eek. 24 degrees and sunny. Finally make it to the good ol’ 401 eleven minutes later.
What’s Playing: Split CD: Wolf Parade, Apologies to the Queen Mary and EPs

13:34: 2,652.7 kms.
What’s Playing: Split CD: Regina Spektor: Soviet Kitsch and Begin to Hope

14:20: London! Grr. Welcome back to the city’s horribly mistimed lights. All red. And I’m so close I can taste it. Or maybe that’s just the jerky.

14:34: 2,749.4 kms.

14:38: Gas for the last time. 89.7, which is still cheaper than I’ve seen it in quite a while around here, for a total of $34.77. Drivin’ isn’t cheap.

14:43: HOME!!! (Yes, that one deserves triple exclamation marks). Total trip kilometers: 2,751.7. 35 hours and 28 minutes of tooling around time. Two bags of Crispers. Two Granny Smith Apples. A bag of Licorice. Most of two boxes of granola bars. Two 2L bottles of pop and a litre of water. A bag of Skor bites. And jerky, sweet jerky. Where would I be without you? Um, here.
And yes thanks, I am as tired as I look. But it was worth it.

Day Two, Afternoon.

Alas, no photos from this afternoon. There would have been some nice ones, too. I can picture them in my mind. Battery issues. Or battery owner issues. I was too worried I'd forget to take the battery with me if I recharged it last night. And it would have really looked out of place in that room, which hasn't changed much since Nixon was in power. Wish I had risked it -- there was some neat stuff out there today. Oh well, live and learn. Tomorrow, we begin anew.

12:24: 1,513.6 kms.
What’s Playing: Pulp, This is Hardcore

13:24: 1,630.3 kms.

13:42: Back off the highway looking for the Turkey Creek Outlets. Disappointing. Didn’t even get out of the car. They look just like the big boxes set up back home, just more plentiful. Money scurrying, quickly gathered and crammed back into my pockets.

14:08: Knoxville! Wild man’s back at it again, off the highway looking for the University of Tennessee. Go Vol’s. There are tents set up all around this city with signs advertising “Revivals”. I don’t think I’m going to stop here. Or there. Oh, there’s the university. In between, I also saw the World’s Fair park, replete with big, gold dome and ran over my share of bad, bad streets. Have you not heard of grading, folks? Driveways should not drop vertically to the street. Not good for the shocks. Or the bumper.
What’s Playing: Coldplay, Parachutes

14:31: More gas. $2.679 a gallon for a total of $21.89. With some clever guesswork, I managed to pull into a gas station directly beside the street that leads into the university. And almost got into an accident in the process (sorry to the guy who’s likely still cursing Canadians everywhere). Funny enough, UT is not located on University Avenue, but on Volunteer. It’s a good thing I have a fondness for orange. Bright orange. Everywhere. The university is still bustling with students.

UT gets high marks for the efficiency of providing free visitor parking (from an attended booth, no less) and maps. With the size of campus, the allotted 45 minutes of parking was hardly sufficient to see everything, but it’s a great gesture. And I got to park next to “Peyton Manning Pass”. Cute.

15:16: There’s an old street car on wheels making its way up the road in Knoxville. It’s too early to brag, yes, but I have found my way back across town to the highway on the first try. Confidence can be the great equalizer. Okay, is there toilet paper hanging from my shoe? There’s got to be something.

15:24: 1,718.3 kms. 31 degrees.
What’s Playing: The Postal Service: Give Up

15:48: Oneida/Hunstville, TN. Absolutely delicious juxtaposition of a xxx outlet strip mall falling literally under the shadow of a hundred-foot-tall cross.

16:05: Kentucky!
What’s Playing: Interpol, Antics

16:24: 1,833.9 kms. 27 degrees.

16:29: Scary moment as a dump truck decides to merge into my lane. This time, it’s not his right-of-way. Had to drive down the shoulder in front of a construction zone to avoid becoming gravel for the offending beast.

17:24: 1,953.1 kms.
What’s Playing: Bob Dylan, Greatest Hits

17:35: Lexington! Off-roadin’ it again, this time for the University of Kentucky. I had been drafting quickly behind a car from Ohio so that I could make up some time and get to the UK bookstore before it closed. Then another car from Ontario came along. Obviously a veteran of the 401. Hello, new drafting partner. One of the first places I passed in Lexington had a giant donkey painted on the side of the building, with a sign that read “Big Ass Fans”. Don’t believe me, check out the website. The houses here are incredible. I’m seeing a theme developing: there’s money in the south. Damn.
What’s Playing: Split CD: Cat Power, The Greatest; Camera Obscura, Let’s Get Out of this Country

UK is a more modern-looking university, with mostly red brick buildings. It’s cooler out, despite the humidity. I can’t believe how much branded merchandise there is at these American schools. You can get almost anything with the school’s logo. And even the UK Marching Band has its own field. But as hawd as ah looked, I couldn’ fahnd Ashley Judd anywhea (workin’ on that southern accent). It’s a shame, really. Would’ve topped off a fine, fine day. It was nice to see, though, that even in Lexington, there is indeed still a student ghetto.

For the second time today, I have successfully navigated across a university city to re-find the highway sans map. Mom would be proud. It turns out that Lexington isn’t a one-horse town, though. It’s also home to Transylvania University. Can you imagine the looks you’d get if you had a medical degree from there? You don’t have to worry – it’s a small, liberal arts school. That goes by the short form, Transy. Glad they kept the ‘s’ in. I know, I know, like they haven't heard it all before. Just not here.

18:24: 1,988.4 kms.

18:44: 2,000 kms!

18:51: The horse farm to end all horse farms – thousands of acres divided with nice white fences. Not right beside it: Elmer’s.

19:02: Rain. Must be approaching the Ohio border. Oh wait, yes indeed I am.

19:24: 2,076.4 kms.

20:20: Certainly does not describe my vision right now. Bleary and tired. The end of the day was to have come sooner, but I got lured into going to the Nike Factory outlet beside the hotel. Dammit. I don’t need new basketball shoes, but I love them. And they’d normally be $200, but they’re on sale for $40. And they’re nice. And they fit well. And, dammit, they’re purple. At least there’s free wireless here and, an added bonus: free hot breakfast in the morning. Then it will be homeward bound. Wrapped up at 2,078.7 kms. tonight, reflecting a total of 792.6 kms for the day. And 13 hours out and about. More seeing of the sights, though. Good day. Now, good night.

Day Two, Morning.

Dry Ridge, Kentucky - Long day again, but this one was more enjoyable, notably because, having gained a grasp of how much time travel would take yesterday, I was able to take my time coming back and see more of the sights. That and, of course, the weather’s cooperation was an immeasurable, not to mention unexpected, help. I had no intention of making the push back to Ontario tonight anyway, so I’ve just set myself up in striking distance, stopping in northern Kentucky. Was more impressed with this state than Ohio anyway, so I’d rather spend my money here. Yeah, still not sleeping out of the car…

Still, in Dry Ridge, KY, I’m just a shout from Cincinnati, which is not too tough a drive back. If I don’t screw up around Detroit. I had thought of stopping into Steve & Barry’s on my way back through ‘The D’ (thanks for keeping me hip to the lingo, Paul) as the entire store is priced at $7, but I’m thinking no at this point. More on that below. It did, however, become ‘University Day’ today. First to the University of Tennessee (Sorry Kate, I know this is the wrong ‘T’, not to mention the wrong colour of orange, but I’d go to Austin if I had the chance, too!) in Knoxville, then the University of Kentucky in Lexington. Good times. Looked like schools. Schools with students. Except bigger than Canada. And even more moneyed.

7:24: Go time! I had planned to get up at eight EST but – blink, blink – started the day a little earlier. Like 5:55 earlier. Oh well, more time to explore. Still have a few days left where I can sleep when I get back. It’s a muggy 25 degrees in Huntsville, Alabama and the slow trek home has begun. Foggy, we start the day at 1,286.1 kms. on the trusty trip meter. Oh, the fog? It’s outside, too…

Must fill up on gas as I let Coby dry out last night because I needed those precious fumes for myself after that long a day. I was gassed, he needed it. $2.699 a gallon for a total of $30.94. Thankfully, the exchange rate these days is good. Clever little sign over a bookstore: “Booklegger Used Books”. Witty, even at this time of day.
What’s Playing: Metric, Split CD: Old World Underground, Where Are You Now? and Live it Out

8:00: That didn’t take long – I’m off the planned road and looking for adventure. Feeling frisky as my confidence in the roads grows. Really, I don’t have anywhere I HAVE to be today, right? So what if I get a little lost. Not that that will happen. Anyway, fighting the fog, a sign for the Cathedral Caverns State Park screams to me like a beacon in, well, the fog. Should be a nice morning for a drive in the smoky mountains. Particularly if the fog burns off. Oh wait, it’s eight in the morning, er, seven in the morning here, and that’s not likely to happen for a bit. Not many other people on the road this time of day. Nor, it seems at the Park. There are a few workers building a new walkway into the cave – which is, apparently, the largest cavern mouth in the world – but the box office is as silent as a mime. Foiled in my bid for spelunking again. Egads. It feels good to go for a little hike in the surrounding area, though, particularly after having cooped myself up in the car for so long these past couple of days.

8.24: 1,342.2 kms.

8:37: Sunshine! Was back in the car after the caves at 8:30 and actually found my way back out alright. Oh, I spoke too soon. Back in the valley, it’s grey again. The new State colour of Ohio has become the theme colour for my trip. Grr. Driving through Scottsboro, AL (“Where the mountains meet the lakes”) is gorgeous and, as the tagline suggests, actually features water, which is something I’ve seen little of thus far. The lake is covered in kelp and doesn’t smell very good, but it looks nice with the mountain backdrop.
What’s Playing: Hayden, Live at Convocation Hall, Disc Two.

9:24: 1,413.1 kms. This has just been a spectacular day thus far, particularly with my deep-seated love for the mountains, though the Smoky Mountains don’t hold a candle to the Canadian Rockies. Actually, nobody should hold a candle to either of them. Still, in the absence of the Rockies, these will do just fine. It’s 24 degrees, though humid, and I’m traveling along at a slower pace, not relying on those snooty main highways. The problem with the secondary highways, though? No state rest stops. At least I’m coffee deprived.

9:47: Georgia! State number six on the trip.

What’s Playing: REM, Reckoning. Just in time, too, for they are Athens, GA natives. Funny, too, is that the now-infamous line, “Jefferson, I think we’re lost” came on right as I crossed the border. Small things, small minds. I get it. Just because I like the name of the town, Rising Fawn, I stop. Well, that and I need to pee (no state rest stops, remember? Keep up, will you!) We’re back into the heart of the mountains at this point.

10:15: Tennessee! Sorry Georgia: Wham, bam, thank you ma’am, I barely got to know you. Similarly, it’s hot and sticky here, too. 27 degrees.

10:24: Looks like I didn’t track the kilometers this hour. Busy putting Coby the Cobalt through his paces up various switchbacks of Lookout Mountain. We’re headed to the highly-vaunted Ruby Falls. Well, they’re vaunted by the billboards littered across the mountain for miles back, anyway. I sense commercial exploit. Peter Parker, by Spidey Sense is tingling. Oh wait, is that what that is? I’m not going to need the topical cream after all. It’s a mountain, people; what’s so great about it.

Sigh. The Disney-like music is playing out of faux-rocks. It’s not quite “It’s a small world after all”, but it’s close. Dead give-away. Would be the only give-away of the visit, I am sure. I should have been smarter and run as fast as my wee legs would take me. Well, they’re not so wee, so I couldn’t. The smell of outstretched hands for money. Oooh, ooh, a trail – perhaps I can snake them and get away with it! Harumph. “Employees Only”. Dead end. Back toward the music and the door, manned by someone with far-too-shiny teeth. I’m not sure, but I think I heard a latch bar the door shut when I went through.

So, I’m suckered for $15.00 to see the falls, touted to be the tallest underground falls accessible by the public. Would have rathered give that kind of money to a state park (like this morning’s, which wouldn’t take my money), but, okay, I’m a tourist. I’ll bite. That’s what I’m here for, right? Actually, it sounds kind of neat. I’ll get to see a cave. And a waterfall. Maybe even stalagmites. Ooh, ooh, ooh – I’m getting excited now.

The tour guide was actually very funny. Even 160 feet beneath the ground. Though the combination of his whiny voice and his southern accent made me want to punch him. Not really. Poor kid’s grasping for puberty. And to discover his sexuality. He made little jokes about ‘Stalag-lights’ for the things the company had built to house the lights in the rocks and ‘Stalag-pipes’ for the tobacco-shaped rock formations (seriously, they decide rocks look like various objects, then name them after said object). That’s the kind of humour I can appreciate. In small doses. Unless it’s me.

The formations were actually pretty cool and the cave was neat in and of itself. Not built for people of my height, though. I guess they’re not really built at all. For dramatic effect, the lights were off in the room with the waterfall until…just…the…right...moment. That was a bit much, but it was something you don’t get to see every day. Unless you work there. The guide had obviously made his spiel a few times. Unfortunately, the camera battery died before I got the chance to get up to the top of Lookout Mountain, so no pictures. It was quite a sight over Tennessee, though. You’ll just have to trust me on that. All in all, it was cool.

Such a tourist am I.

Day One, Afternoon.

Huntsville, Alabama

12:01: 640.6 kms.
12:11: Nice little welcome centre in Kentucky. Free maps! And literature. Whoo hoo, paraphernalia! Oh, did I mention maps? It’s a little muggier, having climbed to 26 degrees.
What’s Playing: Led Zeppelin, Box set, disc two.

12:59: Gas stop number two in Carrollton, Ky. The terrain has become much hillier and is very green. Gas is $2.519 a gallon and came to $17.77. Lucky sevens! Where’s Vegas? There seems to be a big business in the “flag car” industry out here. There are so many trailers with “Oversized Loads” (and this has nothing to do with the obesity rates in this country) as people seem to be moving their houses on large trucks quite a bit. Not quite trailer homes, but…

13:01: 718.8 kms.

13:30: Louisville!

14:01: 827.8 kms. The rock at the side of the road is red and it has climbed to 30 degrees for the first time today.

14:20: Hodgenville, KY, birthplace of Abraham Lincoln. I had no idea he was born here.
What’s Playing: Pet Shop Boys, Discography

14:46: Oh goodie, the rain has returned. And we have now apparently entered the Central Time Zone. So it’s now really 13:46, but I’m going to stick to EST for consistency. A lot of caves in this area, but it is pouring too hard to really see the road, so no spelunking for me today. Driving rain? Not quite the rain for driving. It is, in fact, blinding, particularly when passed by a large truck. It’s actually quite harrowing. The car in front of me actually just surfed off the road and I have felt myself lift onto the top of the water a couple of times. There has to be a good inch to two inches of water on the highway and it is blowing hard. At times, I’m having to drive by shadows of trucks in front – I cannot even see their lights. There are no shoulders to speak of here, so it’s not safe to pull off. Wouldn’t be safe anyway because nobody would be able to see me. So much for seeing the country.

15:01: 915.7 kms.
15:28: National Corvette Museum.

15:47: 1,000 kms! at Scottsville/Franklin, KY

15:55: Tennessee!







Really nice welcome centre in Tennessee. And yes, more maps. Everything’s bigger…in the south? Yay, normal-sized urinals. Yes, these are the things that amuse me.
What’s Playing: Rogue Wave, Split CD: Descended Like Vultures and Out of the Shadow
16:01: 1,012.6 kms. Today has been a fine, full palette of gouaches in a stunning array of greys. Perhaps it would be more appropriate to describe it as watercolours, all blended together instead. Grey either way. Oh, and wet.

17:01: 1,084 kms. Traffic has been really heavy around Nashville and its Batman-like Bell South tower. Grey, but not raining too much at this point. Woo hoo, though, everyone seems to be going to Knoxville or Chattanooga, so the road’s actually clearing up in my direction. A way down the road though, still more end-of-day traffic.
What’s Playing: Killers, Hot Fuss (though I just heard Nickelback on local radio. Hurriedly changed it. Phew.).

17:24: Misty rain still, but could that be – wait a second, brace yourself, no – yes! It is the sun!

17:31: Yes, this is juvenile. Yes, he’s a former President. But the Polk Motel? Good thing his first name wasn’t ‘Quick’. Or “Harry”. Or definitely, Richard.

17:38: First sighting of a confederate flag of the day. Would not be the last. Also saw a quail or pheasant along the side of the road, pecking away at the tarmac. Tasty. The surroundings have been pretty green most of the way down, but there has not been very much water. Apart from the rain, smart ass.

18:01: 1,189.1 kms. Just passed a place called “Boobie Bungalow”. I kid you not. Yikes.
What’s Playing: Sam Roberts, We Were Born in a Flame

18:10: Second directional blunder of the day (not too bad all things considered). I missed the exit I was supposed to take for Huntsville, thinking I didn’t have to exit while still in Tennessee. Oh well, not a major miscue, just need to circle back. A couple of times. Seems to be the way. Once back on track, it’s a neat drive through the country. And the sun is out and – get this – finally, blue sky. The clay at the side of the road is really red.

18:59: Huntsville!

19:01: 1,271 kms. Stopped to wander downtown Huntsville until 20:00. What an absolutely gorgeous city. The highlight by far of the trip. It’s old and every building seems to be historical. And historical in the real sense of the word, rather than just being old. All of the buildings seem to have been converted into spaces for lawyers. They are everywhere. Pretty much every second building. Lots of money. Oh that’s right, lots of lawyers.


Details, big and small, not overlooked in Huntsville.


It’s dead downtown at night though, with only a couple of restaurants open and nobody milling about. Lots of great architecture to look at. The frescos are stunning.


Above: Entrance to a private club. Below, yes that does mean the sun was around for a bit today to be able to set. Sunset over Huntsville. Ah, good sigh.

The homes, too: something else.

I found a Super 8 hotel and decided to stay in the room that time forgot. Not the best room I’ve ever stayed in, but with the amount of time I’ve spent on the road today, it’s welcome nonetheless. Free Internet and a King-Sized Bed. Good news. Went for southern bbq for dinner after looking a number of places. Dreamland Bar-B-Que Ribs, just up the street. Styrofoam plates and plastic utensils. The paper towel roll rests on the table. And they bring you white bread and a (Styrofoam) bowl of bbq sauce to dip it in as a warm-up. Not environmentally friendly, but okay. Pulled pork sandwich (with pickles on it) and coleslaw for dinner. Spicy. The place smells like smoking meat. And I mean that in the very best of ways. Tax and tip: $10.

Final kilometre tally for the day: 1,286.1. On the go for more than 15 hours. The car was wheezing, wanting to protest when it came time to drive back to the hotel.

Day One, Morning.

5:01: Start time. We're off and we're wet. 17 degrees and it turns out that the car doesn't have a multi-changer for the CDs. Gas in London is 91.9. Don't need any; haven't gone anywhere yet.
What's Playing: Bright Eyes, Digital Ash in a Digital Urn

5:16: Not messing with what I know works, make it to the highway. Go figure, there are trucks on the 401. And they're snarling at me. I'm tired and don't want to hear it. But this will seem to be a theme for the day.

Blades slice through
the rain,
water colours on the
windshield
painting smudged memory
down the road behind,
a blank
canvas ahead.

2006.08.29

6:01: 101.3 kms in the first hour. Things are humming along, albeit dark. The rain, though, mercifully subsided after the first forty minutes or so. Gee, thanks. Even the trucks have abated for a bit.

6:08: Ambassador Bridge! There goes Canada, here comes the U.S. Michigan: state number one for the day. Gee, let's guess what they odds are that a scruffian traveling solo to Alabama -- where he knows nobody -- will get stopped at the border. 5 to 1? 10 to 1? 100 to 1? Let's go with almost guaranteed. Twenty minutes later, freed from the clutches of the orange form stuck to my windshield and from the raised eyebrows emanating from several rather large, and surprisingly thick-accented U.S. Customs Agents. Just doing their jobs, I know. At least there was no snapping of latex gloves onto overly eager fingers. And now, the sigh of relief. I'm free to go do whatever it is I'm going to do in Alabama and points in between. The odds of getting searched when I return to Canada? Particularly if I have nothing to declare?

7:01: Up to 201.4 kms

7:53: Back on the highway after circling around and wandering aimlessly like a lost school child (albeit in possession of a 2,000 pound car) in Detroit. Those ramps that branch off in three directions are just dang tricky. Especially when you don't read the signs right to begin with. Figures that this is the one city on the voyage I've been to the most. And an inauspicious start. Where's that paper bag again?
What's Playing: REM, Reconstruction of the Fables

8:01: Up to 232.3 kms

8:20: Billboard advertising 'Alcatraz, the Gentlemen's Club'? This is the first of what I discover to be a trend throughout the journey: billboards for strip clubs, fireworks and God. Everywhere. And not always in that particular order.

8:23: Another beef jerky outlet, this one given the stomach-tantalizing moniker of 'Beef Jerky Unlimited'. Alas, it does not open until 9am. Sigh. But I don't want to wait. Hmm, dried pork products. Drool. Traffic ends up slowing for a bit as everyone is drawn like moths to the shiny lights. They're fire trucks, people. We all have them in our towns. A tiny Honda Civic decided to tangle with an 18-wheeler. Well, there was a tangle. The transport, however, was just sitting there, blowing on its fingernails, a ho-hum look on its face. Major plastic surgery for the Civic.

8:36: O-Bye-O! I barely knew you. The Buckeye State. Not to be confused with Hawkeye.

8:56: First voluntary stop of the day. Feeling patriotic, so the call of duty is at a Tim's in Ohio, just outside Toledo. I had forgotten about how many American establishments have midget-sized urinals. Seriously, a foot off the floor. Short or not, the pot of coffee had to go somewhere. First gas fill-up, too: $2.549/gallon for a total of $14.43. Oh yeah, it's still wet, grey and crappy too. Up to 18 degrees though. Much easier job getting back on the highway this time. Yay me.
9:01: Up to 314.7 kms
What's Playing: REM, Life's Rich Pageant

9:46: An all-you-can-eat buffet. Of Kentucky Fried Chicken. When are we going to get that kind of greasy goodness in Canada?

10:01: Up to 424.1 kms
What's Playing: Mixed live album (Cat Power, Bright Eyes, Linkin Park f/ Jay-Z)

10:43: Midget urinal breakshouldn't two. Oh wait, probably shouldn't have phrased it like that. But you know what I mean. You're smart like that. A pleasant Ohio rest stop with an hour to go to Cincinnatti.

10:51: While still cloudy, I can see the first hint of sun, albeit only a sliver. It has only taken six hours.

11:01: Up to 534.6 kms

Evidence that we are finally approaching the south. Even the water tower -- this one in Florence, Ohio -- says "Y'all".

11:09: Lovely Dayton, Ohio. A little hillier and greener than what we've been seeing, though Michigan and Ohio have bdidn'tbeen pretty blah. The weather didn't help. It just made the dirt wet. First jump in the temperature of the day, though; up to 24.
What's Playing: Liz Phair, s/t

11:31: Quite the Church. They like they're churches down here. And their enormous sculptures of people climbing out of the earth.
What's Playing: Fugees, The Score

11:51: Cincinnatti



11:58: Kentucky! Welcome to the bluegrass state. KY. No, not the jelly.