Signs of a Road Trip.

Casey Rocks, Big Time.

London, Ontario – Cruising through Illinois, the billboard proclaimed: “If you lived in Greenville, you would be home by now.”

It was, unfortunately, placed directly in front of a prison.

We had awoken early to a cool morning, having spent the night at a converted, centuries-old barn outside St. Louis. The smell of wet peat hung in the air and wispy fog clung to the trees before sinking into the valley. It was a gorgeous day for the route home.

Farther east, signs called for us to stop in Casey, Illinois, which bills itself as being home to “big things in a small town.” True to its word, we soon came upon a 56-foot-tall wooden rocking chair and a functioning 54-foot-tall wind chime. Naturally, we gave it a ring, sending a deep baritone cascading down Main street.

Friendly townspeople appear to take pride in their quirky town, pointing us on to the next “big thing.” It’s home to seven world’s-largest items – including mailbox, wooden shoes and golf tee – which have all been manufactured in Casey. In all, there are 13 ‘big’ attractions to see.

It’s a road trip – when faced with a 10-hour drive through the prairies, how can you not stop to see the world’s-largest anything?

After 3,772.7 kilometres, home.

Vitals:

• Time: 12 hours, 15 minutes
• Distance: 1,124.5 kms
• Weather: Sunny and warm
• States/Province: Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Michigan, Ontario
• Wildlife: Deer

Deep 66ed.

Film at Eleven.

Eureka, Missouri – Chasing an unknown nostalgia past parted-out cars, Art Deco motels and an old drive-in theatre, we attempted to trace some of historic Route 66 through Missouri this morning.

It was an unanticipated detour, but part of the fun.

Having not planned it, however, we ended up heading west, held up behind a pod of bicycles who appeared to know far better where they were headed. Just not quickly.

Today, the route consists of several broken stretches of the old highway, making the coloured lines on our not-to-scale map as useful as a scattered pile of Pick Up Sticks. Chasing ghosts can be like that.

We had spent our time in Tulsa visiting the Center of the Universe, admiring the Art Deco architecture, stopping in on the Golden Driller – the fifth-tallest statue in the United States – and enjoying some extremely good food and beer at Prairie Artisan Ales. Somehow, we turned down the opportunity to stay for a beer and music festival put on by Hanson. Mmmhops, anybody?

Instead, we are homeward bound. You could tell the delirium of being on the road this long was hitting us when, as day’s end approached, we saw signs advertising the Uranus Fudge Factory.

The small complex alongside Route 66 – inexplicably composed of a tattoo studio, general store, gun shop and burlesque hall – is reminiscent of a much smaller, yet equally irreverent Wall Drug in South Dakota. “Uranus is expanding. Please excuse the mess,” read the sign on the door.

These utterly random encounters are the moments for which road trips are made.

Vitals:

• Time: 7.5 hours
• Distance: 649.8 kms
• Weather: Sunny and warm
• States/Province: Oklahoma, Missouri
• Wildlife: None

Sooner or Later.

"Toto, I've a feeling we're not...Oh, wait, yes we are."

Tulsa, Oklahoma – Rugged Kansas hills form the strong jawline of the farming community. Leaning barns with crooked slats, meanwhile, appear to grin with mouths of jagged teeth.

The journey was far greener, and hilly, than I had expected.

It was a peaceful day cruising along a single-lane road into an endless sky flecked with fluffy white clouds that tapered into infinity. Flipped-up reflectors lined the centre of the dark asphalt like Post-it Notes. Knocked loose, many lay scattered across the road as though a gambler had flipped a giant table full of shiny cards.

Juiced-up pickup trucks spat gravel at a middle-of-nowhere gas station, pulling out of the parking lot with a shudder. I couldn’t compete with a young lad’s belt buckle, which was large enough to serve a Thanksgiving turkey.

Heading toward Oklahoma, tall iron gates marked the entrance to vast farms spotted with cows. Scattered between, small oil derricks nodded rhythmically like rusted hobby horses, pulling liquid gold from the earth.

Typical ranch dressing.

Vitals:

• Distance: 611.3 kms
• Time: 6.5 hours
• Weather: Sunny and warm
• States: Missouri, Kansas, Oklahoma
• Wildlife: None

A Journey On Track.

Training the Eye.

Kansas City, Missouri – Standing in Kansas City’s historic Union Station, you can almost hear the ghosts of steam engines rattling past.

You can almost feel the bustle of tweed-capped travelers and of soldiers heading to war. It’s easy to get lost imagining the story behind the scuffs and nicks in the marble floors.

Built in 1914, the Beaux-Arts structure was the second-largest train station in the United States at the time. It is now mostly an event, education and community space, having mercifully been rescued from the scrap heap during the 1990s after being abandoned a decade previously.

It was here in 1933 infamous bank robber Frank Nash and four law enforcement agents died in a hail of bullets in what would become known as the Kansas City Massacre. As a result, all FBI agents would be armed for the first time.

The train bells now? They come from a room full of model trains of all sizes, which wind their way through a variety of landscapes framed by lit buildings and the trappings of rural towns.

The Great Hall’s towering 95-foot ceilings, however, continue to swallow visitors. There’s an irony in something so grand now housing something so small.

But, at least it still allows the past to whisper.

Archievement Unlocked.

I MI-SS-I-SS-I-PP-I See You!

Columbia, Missouri – Tornado warnings swirl through the verdant hills around the University of Missouri.

Wisely, we've pulled over for the day.

Earlier, though, it was the murky waters of the Mississippi that twisted beneath us as we played tourist on one of St. Louis’s riverboats – its large wheel turning languidly in the midday heat. The muddy depths are currently 20 feet deeper than normal, leaving most of the Riverfront Trail submerged.

Tom Sawyer is reputed to have said "The Mississippi is too thick to drink, but too thin to plow." There isn't much to see on it around this area, either – unless watching industrial barges being filled is your thing. Still, there's something majestic about floating on the majestic river and returning to port, framed by the glint from the Gateway Arch.

In the backdrop, you can see the Civil War-era courthouse, which would hear the Dred Scott case in 1846 and the Virginia Minor trial that upheld male-only voting rights.

This is the St. Louis I came to see.

The burnt ends sandwich I enjoyed for lunch at Bogart’s was the St. Louis I came to eat.

Vitals:

• Distance: 234.3 kms
• Time: 2.5 hours
• Weather: Sunny and hot, with thunderstorms at the end of the day.
• States: Missouri
• Wildlife: Armadillo roadkill

Off the Wagon.

Checking Lincoln's Logs.

St. Louis, Missouri – As we pulled onto the highway this morning, spotted sparrows kicked up in the dust, backlit against the dawn. A light rain made a kaleidoscope of the windshield.

Soon, though, the day's swelling humidity melted the clouds, dripping them onto our skin. It would eventually reach 32.5 degrees as we threaded across middle America.

We found ourselves distracted by a billboard for Boom Donuts in Kalamazooo, Michigan, but couldn’t find it. Even Google comes up short. Other roadside placards duelled for space, offering fireworks and star-pricked galaxies crossed out with a giant red X. "God Created. Period."

Welcome to the heartland.

Soon, we found ourselves perfectly timed for the opening of 3 Floyds – one of the world's top-rated craft breweries. On tap, the highly sought-after Dark Lord – a big, rich, viscous stout. Good lord. Paired with fried cheese curds and a house-cured meat plate, lunch shaped up well.

It seems I soon will, too.

The terrain around us grew as flat as the songs rolling from our tongues. But, pitted roads frequently jarred us into focus. Like ants in a line, we would end up deciding to cut across the grass median to avoid a massive traffic backup near Lincoln, Illinois. Alongside, transport trailers reversed up the on-ramps. We would save ourselves 90 minutes.

Serendipity: a detour on historic Highway 66, and a chance to see the world's largest covered wagon. Would life have been complete any other way?

With the end of the day upon us, the sun glistened off the Gateway Arch in St. Louis.

Missouri: a new state for me to explore.

Vitals:

• Time: 13.5 hours
• Distance: 1,152.8 kms
• Weather: Rain, giving way to sun and heat
• Province/States: Ontario, Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Missouri
• Wildlife: None