Vignettes from the Deck I: Throngs and Thongs.

The sign in Belize was prescient.

Gulf of Mexico – Because it’s 1972, the ship still has a ‘Queen of the Seas’ contest, where eight women strut and dirty dance around the pool for four male judges.

A buxom blonde plays to the hooting throngs; another claims to have not had enough alcohol to carry-through with the task. She changes the song and suddenly has no issues thrusting her hips to the beat.

A child, meanwhile, cannonballs into the pool.

Sitting poolside, I suddenly feel a rear end twerking against my back as the latest contestant ups the ante.

Last up, an older Portuguese woman with well-lotioned wrinkles that shimmer like the sea doffs her top to the judges. The ship’s contest director jokes it has gained him a trip home tomorrow.

Naturally, she wins.